Weddings are fun and so is moving house in a similarly "my-bank-account-will-never-be-in-credit-again" way. Moving in/out of rented accommodation doesn't count, that's child's play. You need to be selling and buying to get hit with the full force of needless hassle and unexpected expense. My personal favourite (aside from £1,700 for a solicitor to fire out a couple of letters), is the Stamp Duty. Now, we all know it's a pointless tax. It's the Government saying the equivalent of "Oh, buying a house are you, moneybags? We'll have some of that action".
I'm not even going to get into the fact that the money you spend on this tax has, itself, already been taxed half a dozen times. At least in 'olden' days you actually got a physical bloody stamp. What did I get? A bill for more than eight grand and it may as well have included a patronising "thanks" and a pat on the head. Actually, thinking about it, any thanks at all would have been nice...
The actual move involves all the organisational hell you think it will, including the packing of all your things. I swear I’d walk into one medium sized room with some empty boxes, survey the task ahead and conclude that one hour was plenty of time to clear it out. Two hours later I would have half a dozen full boxes and the room would look as though I hadn’t shifted a thing. I lived in a Tardis.
Of course the issue with the actual move is timing. When you’re selling one house and buying another you need the money from the first sale to go towards the purchase of the second (unless you’re considerably richer than me). This means your old house’s sale goes through and the money is released to purchase your new house. This sort of happens at the same time (well, within minutes). It also means that the house all your furniture is in now belongs to someone else and they’d like you to move it all. Preferably within the following ten minutes. That’s fun too, especially when you need about five trips in a fair sized van to do it with a half hour round trip.
Anyway, I’ve been in my detached house for several years now and the neighbours haven't been round to complain during the noisy sections in The Dark Knight. Seriously Chris Nolan, sort your volume levels out. It's not helpful having your actors sound like they're whispering half a second before letting off more explosions than a Michael Bay wet dream. Sitting there with the remote control shifting the volume up and down constantly kind of took away from the ambiance. Yes, that did actually happen.
Anyway, the diminished chances of annoying people with noise is a good thing. I like noise. I can now bellow at the dog when she drags her arse across the carpet without fear of giving someone a heart attack next door. Still, I’m never satisfied (you’re shocked, I can tell) so once the pain has subsided from memory and I’ve spent the time considering how to avoid as many costs as possible, I’ll doubtless look at doing it all again. After all, this house doesn't have a swimming pool or a shooting range.
